I Went For My Cell

I Went For My Cell, By Brian37 (AKA Brian James Rational Poet on FB/META and @Brianrrs37 on Twitter)

I was giddy, when
I clicked on my notifications
And read a Tweet from
A TV hero I admired

I reached for my cell
I was happy as hell
I was going to call you
But to no avail

It wasn’t the first time
I got excited
Wanting to share
My moment with you

But what could I do
You’d long since passed
I could only imagine
Your enthusiastic response

“Really? What did you say?
What did she say?”
I’d still be stuck on
“No way, no way”.

Then she’d calm me down
I’d slowly walk it through
The question I asked
And the celebrity’s answer too

I can imagine the smile
In her voice, the happiness
I can see the joy in her tone
As I told the story on my cell phone

But this didn’t happen at all
She never got that call
And now she never will
It is a vile pill

To know my mother is dead
I can’t get it through my head
I can’t share this thrill with her
I cant share that Tweet with her

I cant share a damned thing
I can’t make her cell phone ring
I cant call her and share my fun
I’m frustrated that she’s gone

I know she’d be giddy too
I know she’d beam with pride
I know she’d laugh smile
I reached for the cell and cried.

This poem is an amalgamation of how it felt and sometimes feels since my mom died in 2017, when I would call her up right after something good/fun/neat/silly/happy things happen and wanted to share it with her. I used to reach for my cell then hesitate and remember suddenly she was dead.

Fast forward to today almost 6 years later, I just got a Tweet from a actress who played a cop on one of my favorite shows in the 80s. Now while I didn’t reach for my phone instantly, like I used to, I always think of her when neat stuff happens. It is frustrating not being able to share these moments with her. But I do know she would have said, “What did you ask? How did she answer? That’s neat. Now come on over and take me to the dollar store.”

The “No way, no way” would be the excitement in my voice calling my mom saying “Holy shit mom, you won’t believe who Tweeted me”. Then her going “Slow down, I can’t understand you, what happened?” Then I would calm down and she’d go, “Really, that is so neat.”

2 responses to “I Went For My Cell”

  1. This is a heartfelt poem, Brian. I’m sorry you lost your Mum in 2017 (Hug). I could so identify with this post. I lost my Mum the year before, in 2016. I still do what you are still doing – longing to pick up the phone to tell her everything that was going on – good and bad. Her responses were always kind. Although I couldn’t see for many years before she died because her house wasn’t wheelchair accessible, we spoke on the phone every day, often more frequently. Like you, not a day goes by when I don’t think of her.

    Having read your post, I looked at my phone, and it still has my Mum’s phone number. I was tempted to ring it but thought better of it. I don’t know what I was expecting. The number may have been allocated to another person in those six years. I thought it might be upsetting (and opening a can of worms) if I did it. I decided not to.


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