When people ask me, what are you doing on……. At my age I answer, “Hopefully still breathing”

When people as me what I am going to be on Halloween I respond, “A day closer to death.”

When people ask me what I am doing for thanksgiving I respond, ” Asking why the native Americans should be thankful”

When people ask me what I am doing for Christmas I respond, “Buying coffee in cups with no decorations on them”.

When people ask me what I am doing for New Years I say, ” Playing one ABBA song in particular.”

When people ask me what I am doing for Valentine’s Day I say, ” If I told you I had a date with Rosy …. and her 5….. you’d come back with “TMI”

If you asked me what I was doing for Easter, telling lots of jokes, or laying eggs, you tell me. My jokes are like laying eggs.

If you asked me what I am doing for Memorial Day I’d say, ” 3 more stupid months without football”

If you asked me what I was doing for the forth of July, I’d respond, “Certainly not standing at the capital shouting “Hang Kamala”. Yea I know it was January 6th.

If you asked me what I am doing on my birthday, I’d say, “Hopefully breathing still”.

If you aske me why I typed this my response would be, “Your shoe is untied,”