Wrong Tree And All

Wrong Tree And All, By Brian37 (Now Jackie Leigh) (AKA Brian James Rational Poet on Facebook/Meta and @brianrrs37 on Twitter)

My heals click, confident walk
Pushing my two tier shopping cart
My murderous dress, I must confess
The red roses on black print

My jet black hair, could make a heart stop
I’ve seen that shy approach before
Approached myself, a few or more
In that obligatory smokey bar

To find that muster, that initiative
The butterflies hitting hyper drive
Will she be receptive
Or eat me alive

Walking past the registers
His blushed face did register
Head tilted down, eyes peering up
Like a happy pet, a playful pup

I could see his hesitation
Trying to formulate what to say
“You are very pretty”, he stuttered
I guess I made his day

I thanked him
He went on his way
I could only think
If he knew, would I be ok?

Or would he be a bully
If I turned him down
If I told him I was trans
Would I end up on the ground ?

“I have no interest in you good sir “
And I never will
I am into women
That is mine to tell

Those words I never uttered
Though obvious was his flutter
I guess my pink lipstick was better
I underestimate my power

They’ve let me down before
I’ve been turned away
It is not fun on the receiving end
To have it end that way

So, somewhere is a guy
I will never see again
Who will live with that memory
Of working up the nerve, a plan
(end)

Having lived as a man, I know the nervousness in approaching a woman to strike up a conversation. Now that I am living as a woman, I have gotten a few complements from men, this story is just one. It happened at the grocery store a few weeks ago. I wanted to write a poem about it, but didn’t think of anything until just now.

But he didn’t ask me out or anything. I think he knew that would have been inappropriate. Yet I have had that same shy look on my face approaching women at bars. I know that look. I also got turned down too. Never fun. Which is why I am glad he simply left it at the complement. I don’t like feeling like I am going to hurt someone’s feelings.

I wish I could however, live in a world where I didn’t have to worry about telling someone I was transgender in this situation. I would have said to him, “I am really flattered, but I am transgender, and also into women.” Then have them respond, “Oh ok, that’s fine, still think you are pretty. I am not into trans though.” Then I would say, ” Thats fine too.”

The complements still give me a self esteem boost. It means I pass.